I used to think I was indecisive. But now I'm not so sure.

- Woody Allen

I'm not afraid of death. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

- Woody Allen

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

- Anonymous

I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman, I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

- Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.

- Anonymous

I don't need Google, my wife knows everything.

- Anonymous

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

- Anonymous

I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.

- Anonymous

I don't always have the energy to pretend to like people today, but when I do, it's Monday.

- Anonymous

I'm not saying I'm Batman. I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.

- Anonymous

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

- Anonymous

I child-proofed my house, but they still get in somehow.

- Anonymous

I don't need anger management. You just need to stop making me angry.

- Anonymous

I'm not saying I'm Superwoman. I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Superwoman in the same room together.

- Anonymous

I put my root beer in a square glass. Now it's just beer.

- Anonymous

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

- Earl Wilson

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

- Anonymous

The road to success is always under construction.

- Lily Tomlin

I'm not saying I'm Wonder Woman, I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room together.

- Anonymous

I'm not a complete idiot — some parts are missing.

- Anonymous

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

- Anonymous

I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.

- Anonymous

I used to think I was indecisive. But now I'm not so sure.

- Anonymous

I'm not saying I'm Superman. I'm just saying no one has ever seen me and Superman in the same room together.

- Anonymous

I'm not a morning person. I'm more of a 'stay up all night' person.

- Anonymous